When you’ve worked hard to become the person you are. . .
When you’ve released way too much so you can be free. . .
When you’ve spent countless seconds, minutes, hours in prayer and in wise counsel. . .
When you’ve forgiven yourself for so many failures that you didn’t even realize at the time were failures. . .
When you’ve forgiven yourself for so many of other people’s failures that you believed were yours. . .
And forgiven them once you realized. . .
When you’ve rebuilt yourself from the inside out intentionally. . .
And fought past excuses. . .
And fought past blame. . .
And given YOURSELF the closure that you needed. . .
When you’ve learned acceptance and how to live within it and still hold onto yourself. . .
When you’ve learned to love yourself unconditionally. . .
And not allow others to determine how and how much you love you. . .
When you’ve studied yourself. . .
And learned yourself. . .
And study continuously to stay abreast of the latest advances in you-ology. . .
When you’ve labored intensively at establishing boundaries. . .
And enforcing them. . .
Not only with others, but also with yourself. . .
When you’ve figured out and are confident in what you have to offer the world. . .
And you’ve figured out what is valuable to you. . .
And what you can vs what you will not accept. . .
And FINALLY, when you VALUE the body of work that YOU have accomplished. . .
Because it is tedious, painstaking, emotional work. . .
. . . .You will not let just any ole body take residence in your mind, your spirit, your life. . .
And dismantle everything that it took your soul to build. . .
We love talking about relationships, don’t we? And for good reason. We are relational beings, created to live in harmony with one another. But when it comes to dating and relationships, Black women are considered to be at the very bottom of the dating totem pole. So I guess it should come as no surprise that conversations such as these continue to take place all over the internet.
Scenario 1: Would you date/marry the man who gives you the world but can’t stay faithful to save his life or the man who’s loyal and loves you to life, but isn’t yet stable in his career?
Oooor. . . . .
Scenario 2: Two men are pursuing you. One has five kids by three baby mamas. The other has no kids and lives with his mama. Which one are you going with?
I’m sure some would say this is merely entertainment, but I don’t see it that way. People take these conversations to heart, and discussions get real. From my observations, these scenarios are usually posed to Black women, and those who do not respond favorably are painted as unsympathetic, impatient, and lacking compassion.
Why is it that WE, even in hypothetical situations, are expected to cheerfully choose mates from the bottom of the barrel? Black women are not obligated to choose between Dusty and Ashy. Sometimes it is even hard for us to believe. We are constantly told that there’s a scarcity of men, just from a numbers standpoint, so we should just be happy to accept whatever comes our way. This is not true. Listen, Black woman. Dusty and Ashy are not choices, and you don’t have to accept either. There are over 7 BILLION people on this earth. In the U.S. alone, the population is over 300 million, and 49.2% of that population is male. Eighteen percent of Blacks intermarry, which means that 82% of the Black population still marries Black, as the overwhelming majority of just about any ethnic group marries within that group. So, Black woman, you do not have to choose between two or any amount of men who are undesirable to you or unsuitable as a mate.
Don’t believe the hype. You have options.